I am married to an Amish man. Well, not really, but when it comes to technology, he’d probably be completely content in an old Amish farmhouse versus surfing the web and talking on his cell phone. And while I have my old-fashioned ways–knitting, gardening, raising chickens–I am also a total geek.
I have an iPad. And when my cell phone carrier finally got the iPhone, I was there on the first day pre-ordering the thing. And well, obviously, I’m a blogger. I spend a good chunk of my time entrenched in technology.
But when it comes to my children, I’m constantly pulled between the old and the new.
I hear alarming news about how technology is changing our brains, squashing imagination and creativity and effecting our children. Their little heads that suck up twice the cell phone radiation of an adult. Teachers who complain about minuscule attention spans. The demand for instant feedback and gratification. I wonder how this technology saturated world will leave my children in their 70′s? Will their brains have the strength and power to carry them through and be strong and sharp? I wonder if, while there are so many educational apps and websites out there, is the means of “educating” through technology doing more harm than good.
I worry.
BUT….there’s no denying it. Technology comes in handy. And there are some really great television shows and websites and apps out there. My children live in a world fueled by technology. I can’t ignore that. And sometimes, this homeschooling mama of four just can’t do it all–and there’s an app for that.
I think I’ve especially been feeling this push-pull with technology as my family grows and my children get older. My daughter wants an email account and to chat online with her cousin. My girls want to get on PBS Kids or Starfall. They want to play Tiny Wings on my iPhone, read a book on the iPad or research horse breeds on google.
And then there’s the whole homeschooling thing. While I have my hands plenty busy keeping up with a 2nd grader and a 4th grader, I have a 4 year old who’s hungry “to do school”. And while I often beat myself up for not having convenient little preschool activity units tucked away in tiny plastic storage tubs, sometimes it’s just easier to plop her in front of Starfall and be happy that’s she’s learning.
I know I need to find middle ground. I need to set boundaries. I need to make sure I’m teaching them skills and crafts that are becoming endangered in our society. Making sure they know how to sew or knit or cook from scratch. That they know the names of the trees growing outside their windows and where their vegetables come from. That when they hear “oh sam pea-body, pea-body” coming from the treetops, they’ll know it’s a White-throated sparrow. But I also need to embrace the reality of a technological world. Some day, they’ll want a cell phone. Tomorrow, I’ll let them play a spelling game on my iPad.
And maybe, an old-fashioned man and his geeky wife can somehow raise well-rounded, well-adjusted children in the meantime.
How about you? How is technology a part of your children’s lives? What kinds of boundaries do you set? Do you worry about the long term effects or embrace them as progress? Do you teach your children the dying (aka old-fashioned) arts?
{About Molly, our Education + Learning blogger: She’s a homeschool mom of four and freelance writer that lives in a fixer-upper farmhouse in rural Maryland. You can find her at her blog Mommy Coddle, and on twitter as MommyCoddle}
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I feel the same push and pull, and try to find balance as you do. Electronics time is limited, and not allowed until everyone’s done with their homework and piano practicing. They must play outside before they can have screen time. We try to go to new places and explore new things.
Sometimes it seems as if my kids are the only ones who don’t each have their own iPod and DS and a TV in their rooms. Our 9-year-old will be getting an electronic device for his birthday, a Kindle so he can check out library books whenever he wants.
I love my gadgets and spend plenty of time online but I want my kids to learn the joys of doing other things as well. It’s tough to find the right balance.
I had to nod my head in agreement to your second paragraph, Linda. My kids think they are the only ones on the PLANET without a DS or iPod Touch. I’ll have to let them know I met other kids just like them.
This is a huge thing for me. My oldest two are in K and 1st grades. I have two younger children who are almost 1 and almost 3.
I am a blogger and I do a lot of work online, but it wasn’t until last year that my kids even touched a computer. (And I still don’t share my iPhone!) They got Leapsters this summer and while it’s nice to have the quiet it brings in the car, they aren’t everyday kind of toys. They completely ignore the rest of the world when they have that screen in front of them.
We free play a lot and they help me cook and bake and we go on nature walks, but I also want them to be well-adapted to our technological society. That line is very, very thin and I just hope that I am able to walk that tightrope well.
I’m right there with you. It’s hard to balance life and technology-especially because I work online and spend most of my day in front of a computer. How do I explain to my kids how incredibly bad for you all this technology can be?
I do see the effects of raising kids in a technology driven world though. When I shut off the tv or the computer and tell them to go find something else to do, they’re lost for the first half hour. Never mind that we have six overflowing bookshelves and more toys and games than any one family should have. There’s nothing to do.
Like you, I often find myself caving and letting them spend too much time in front of the tv or the computer on days when I’m busy and really just need them occupied. School helps-with their schedules, they don’t have more than an hour or two a night to spare anyway. But in the summer, or on vacation?
Well. I’d love to hear what anyone has to say about balance!
I have had some good tips kicked my way I’m happy to share, although I still haven’t been able to make them work in my house.
1) For every minute they spend on the computer, or watching tv, make them spend a minute reading a book.
2) Have designated tv and video game/Internet hours. The rest of the time, keep it shut off (or blasting Pandora).
3) Turn off your cable tv. This is one we actually did, and until Netflix started streaming it worked really well. There was nothing on TV, so they didn’t want to watch.
Beyond that, I’ve got nothing. What have you got?
Renee–I have the same issue–how do I explain that Mommy NEEDS to be on the computer, but they’re never allowed to be because it’s not good for their imaginations. I’m not able to set the example that I’d like unless I worked exclusively from 10pm on.
I do worry about this. My kids love Starfall and PBS kids. They get a limited amount of screen time every day. Whether it is watching PBS after school, or playing a computer game, they only have a short amount of time and they know that. So, they plan accordingly
As they are growing, I find that they want me to teach them to knit and sew and love cooking with me. I teach them these things and hope they find as much joy in these activities as I do.
I think about this but don’t necessarily worry about it. I think our kids need to know how to use and understand technology. Its not going away and has many helpful uses, many of which will be really marketable in future careers. I see some tech as reinforcers of knowledge, as long as parents don’t kid themselves into thinking these apps and shows actually TEACH the kids much by themselves. It takes person-to-person interaction to cement a concept in the developing brain best. Brain research has proven that. So my belief is that screen time of any kind needs to be monitored and limited, but that kids, even young ones, need the exposure to high quality tech and how to use it.
That being said, I think you’ll find most kids are excited to learn just about anything if you are excited about it. It doesn’t have to be “tech nor no tech”. You can have both, depending on how you do it. So crafts and nature walks and sewing and talks about the stars are all things to do with them. And hey, playing Starfall together isn’t bad either.
I’m nodding in agreement with everything said here.
We dropped everything but over-the-air TV several years ago and have found that not only do the kids have less to watch (PBS is really their only option), but I watch less TV and spend more time reading as well, which is a good example for them. (Or at least it would be if they weren’t in bed most of the time that I’m reading!)
I’ve also found that one of the most effective motivators for my kids is the threat of TV/computer/etc. restriction. After some behavior infractions last spring, they lost all of these things for a month, and after the first few days of withdrawal they did just fine and found other things to do. I almost wished I had reason to continue the restriction.
I struggle with this, too. We love our crafts and our outdoors time, but as homeschoolers, there are times when it’s soooooo convenient to let one person be occupied with an app or a movie from the library while I’m busy (helping someone else, nursing the baby, etc…). I guiltily imagine that without a tech option we’d think of more creative ways to spend that time, but realistically it would probably result in sibling quarrels and dumped out toys. Hmm.
We have a couple of things that we do:
We have fixed times for “electronics” – nothing before 6 pm. That’s also usually dinner time, and then we have a half hour quiet reading time all together, and then it’s bedtime for the littlest one, so we don’t get a lot of TV/computer/iPad in there. We also stopped the cable and we live overseas where normal TV is all in Russian and Romanian. We have AppleTV and really pick and choose what we want the kids to watch and lots of it has an educational slant to it (ok, Scooby-Doo doesn’t.) The exception is Saturday mornings when they can watch for a bit b/c the parents are sleeping longer.
We homeschool and we incorporate what in Germany they call “Home knowledge” (I’m German) which is all about everyday stuff – life in meadows, names of plants, seasons, time, water cycle, recycling, our body, how the mail works, where we live, community, etc. I also have an hour each week set aside for crochet and knitting and sewing. Yes, my boys learn that, just like in a German school. (I don’t think the German school system is all that good but teaching each and every child to crochet and to knit is one of their better ideas.)
Our sons have each a DS but we use it almost exclusively for travel (as Expats, we travel a lot and usually for long stretches – a trip to the US is just under 24 hours long). That said, they are all very quick studies when it comes to computers. Even my three-year-old had a very quick intuitive understanding of the iPad! So yes, straddling both worlds. It’s doable!
We only have one computer in the house and it’s mine. I don’t even like sharing it with my husband. My kids aren’t allowed to use it. They also aren’t allowed to touch my phone, ever. They don’t use cell phones, don’t have them and probably won’t until they have jobs to pay for their own.
I did get my oldest (11) an email account for her birthday this year. But she rarely checks it since she isn’t allowed to use the computer and to get on it has to have good grades, chores done (she’s averse to chores) and perfect behavior. She also has a facebook which is recent (because I needed more friends for Sims Social, lol). I let her on with the same stipulations as the email but only for about an hour.
They do each have a Nintendo DS (that my dad got them) and we have an xbox 360 and a Wii but they aren’t allowed to play them unless they have all their chores done and have been behaving. They are allowed to watch as much TV as they want as long as their chores and homework are done.
Although I haven’t taught them to knit or sew yet they have a childhood like I did. In the summer they are outside from after breakfast until it gets dark. They are allowed to roam around our neighborhood, there’s a park and they ride their bikes all over. They come home dirty and exhausted. There’s little time for technology in the summer. In the winter it rains a lot here so they spend most of their days watching TV or playing with their toys. But they get outside whenever it’s dry.
Interesting!
Personally, my brother and myself started playing computer games when we were 5 and 7, respectively.
We’ve been avid gamers for all our lives.
Our mother would often worry and took great care in physically booting us out of the house when the days were glorious.
Since we lived in England, come the Winter, we’d welcome a digital distraction to ward of the weather.
Computer games were not the sole-source of fun in our lives. I was/am very much a self styled ‘action geek’ – I sail, ski, play football, roll dice and drink beer!
My brother migrated more towards the machines but found ways to express his creativity with music production/audio technical work.
He’s now studying his PhD in programming, I’m an ex-game designer-come therapist.
Technology has really helped us become everything we are today – but we have never solely relied on it.
Personally, I believe that if you have the energy you’ll find even the most sophisticated game/tech lacking, after a time – and be eager to find ways of improving/developing said games/tech!
If your children have a passion, help them to explore it in a variety of mediums.
Mario being awesome? Draw a picture of the rotund pluumber in action!
”They are allowed to roam around our neighborhood, there’s a park and they ride their bikes all over.”
Yes, we were allowed to do the same – I’m sure we gave our parents the occasional heart attack when we returned with bloody knees and twisted limbs but we learn’t how to avoid said bloody knees and twisted limbs for the future!
(The only technologies we were banned from as children were fire and water….! )
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From a therapist angle – regardless of the methods/source, I would ask ourselves ‘Which behaviors do we want to encourage?’
It’s sometimes attractive to diagnose elements within our lives as THE CAUSE/THE PROBLEM – but really, things are typically.. just things.
How we choose to react to things – and why – that’s where we should be working!
We can choose our behaviour.
I teach my foster children a few things that might be considered old fashioned- sewing and piano. I do admit though, that with two young children of my own, it’s really hard to focus that kind of time on it…
I straddle several worlds, with 5 kiddos 16 down to 6, two youngest home-schooled & three older in public school. The littles are actually resting/reading/coloring/telling themselves stories
right now, in separate rooms with no electronics. hee hee. Everyday: one hour.
BUT. The two teenagers have cell phones, need to do homework on the computer & are actually addicted to Psych on Netflix.
We keep pretty unplugged around here, but it just gets harder & harder!
Definitely plug phones in at a certain time please. No texting when in conversation with family members, or during dinner. Limits on fun computer/IPad time (20 min. at this point).
Figuring out where that line is keeps my husband & I busy on our dates.
Keep the great blog posts coming!
I appreciate this post. My kids are still rather little, but I know it’s coming up.
It’s sadly not true that the Amish live without technology. Most of them have cell phones and some even facebook! Everybody, even the Amish, is trying to figure out where to draw the line with technology.
My 4 year old is in preschool and my daughter is in 1st. We never turn on tv in the morning. They get a half hour after school to chill. I think they need that time! My daughter does a lot of her homework on the computer bc of budget cuts here. I limit it to 10 minutes each activity or until she understands the math. I have never really been much of a tv person and a good movie is great somedays! But until the kids are killing each other (or me), we usually keep the electronics off. I do try to have music playing alot. We also listen to books on cd in the car. No tv in the car except on vacation.=) bellesbazaar-heather.blogspot.com
I don’t really qualify for this web site (I only have three children) but I have this same concerns. Right now my children are too little for some of the concerns; they are 2 and under. But I have three boys whom, society tells us, are more prone to want all of the technology that abounds us. However, I worry about what their imaginations will be like with all that they have thrown at them. My oldest just turned 2 and got a Leap Frog reader (not from mom and dad!) and while he likes it, he still loves to be read to so I am going to leach onto that – and maybe hide the Leap Frog device!
My first child is 16 months and we are trying to decide how we want to introduce technology into his life. He gets nothing at the moment, not even TV interests him, but it is coming.
I was thinking that we would have the car as one of the places where he is allowed to watch shows, since he is sitting and fussing anyway and I’ll have a newborn. Maybe for awhile he will think his shows ONLY exist in the car…
Does anyone have some advice on this?
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